A very small vase for In a Vase on Monday with Cathy at Rambling in the Garden...
It has been a long time since I've posted anything here at the blog. I took an unintentional break from most social media connections as I have been overwhelmed with all the emotional adjustments that continue to be necessary since leaving Arizona last December. Without saying a great deal about this, I am so grateful for all the support I've received here and elsewhere; finding a good therapist has helped immensely, though the healing process is proving unavoidably slow.
The new garden has gone in with comparable delay because I have been dealing with intense fatigue. I must say crabgrass has a way of taking advantage of such difficulties! Just during the last week I've begun planting again, putting in some of the antique irises I ordered earlier this year. My intention has been to concentrate more on species and antique flowers in this little garden, though most of my initial purchases don't really bear that out! But the irises and my rose order (the latter awaiting more energy from the gardener and better weather for planting) are all antiques.
Meantime, it is Monday and time for a vase, however tiny.
I have used my smallest stoneware bud vase; there is nothing quite so useful as the smallest vases sometimes! It contains a red rose from my miniature - now well established in the border - and a few blooms each of Dianthus 'Frosty Fire" and a cream-colored chrysanthemum I picked up a couple of days ago. There is also plenty of Lemon Thyme, which is running riot in its nursery pot though still waiting to be planted out! As you may imagine, it's a pleasantly scented little bunch.
Although I have not been very active in my normal social media outlets, I have recently written about some of my experiences. If you would like to read the posts, here are the links to the articles as published on Medium: Social Media Saved My Life: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. These are 'Friend Links' and will take you behind the paywall, so there should be no problem with access.
Hopefully I will go on feeling just this little bit better, so I can continue to plonk things in the new garden and share it with you!
Weather Diary: Fair; High: 95 F (35 C)/Low: 72 F (22 C); Humidity: 50%-100%, Heat warnings in effect, with heat index reaching 110 F (43 C) today
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danger garden (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 00:03)
Thank you for sharing the links to your three part story. I feel the same way about social media, and the wonderful things it’s done in my life, which of course can’t begin to compare to your story. I’ve often thought back to my asking about visiting your garden when I was in Phoenix in 2016, I was clueless as to what you were going through. Then when you reached out to me last June when we were there! I wish I would have had the time to connect. I am so glad you’re far away now, and safe, and getting some help dealing with it all. Much love to you...
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 00:26)
DG - In retrospect, by last summer the tension had gotten so high that I'm not sure a visit would have been at all pleasant for you! I am still dreaming of getting back to the desert and making a new garden where my friends can come freely. But of course you are welcome to any of my gardens at any time!
Cathy (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 02:29)
Amy, not only do you create beautiful pots, fill them expertly with your home-grown blooms and take artistic photos of them, but you write powerfully about your intensely personal experiences. My heart goes out to you and your sister and the healing journey you are both on - thank you for trusting us with your story. Many of us in this particular blogging community recognise that it has expanded our horizons in ways we never even dreamed of, but for you and your sister this and the other social platforms you have used really have changed your lives altogether. I feel strongly about nurturing and empowering others, so it is a privilege to know that IAVOM will have contributed at least something to this transformation, however small. Your road is a long one, but at least the destination is in view now. Take care Amy
Cathy (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 07:34)
Dear Amy, your story is so sad and I am so sorry for what you have both been through. But I can see two Phoenixes rising from the ashes... it sounds as though you both have many artistic talents and I hope you find the opportunity to exhibit them soon. That you have got this far is cause only for optimism. Thank goodness you found the social network communities. And I am sure your animals also kept you going at the hardest times. Wishing you lots and lots of luck! Oh, and I would love to buy a vase from you one day. Let me know when you have some in your online shop and I will pay for shipping too. :)
Kris P (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 09:36)
Oh Amy. I had some sense of what you were dealing with but never could have imagined the extent of the pain you and your sister were dealing with. I'm glad you had each other and that social media - and your own stubborn intention to overcome your boundaries - helped. I've had some experience dealing with a controlling personality that sought to define my universe but mine was never anything like yours in its intensity or sheer self-centeredness. I'm happy to learn you're doing what you need to do to move your life forward. It's never too late. My best wishes.
Libby (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 12:02)
Oh Amy. I had no idea. You two are very strong women, despite your years with your Mother. I'm glad you have found a good therapist and please, take your time in getting back to all of us here. We want to hear from you, but we all want you to feel the best about yourself.
Jane (Tuesday, 20 August 2019 16:35)
Thank you, Amy for sharing your story. I had the inkling of an idea of what you were going through because of earlier posts, but didn’t know, of course the depths of the manipulation present in your home, a place where you should have been treated with love and kindness. I’m so glad for you and your sister that you’ve managed to escape from such a depressive situation and send you warm wishes for your ongoing recovery. I look forward to seeing more of your delightful photos and posts when you are ready.
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Saturday, 24 August 2019 10:20)
Cathy@Rambling in the Garden - The garden blogging community has been so incredibly supportive, and I'm grateful to say that IaVoM has been a wonderful part of that, as well as simply providing a structure that has helped me keep on blogging through much of this mess... and enjoying my flowers! It's been thrilling to see the first few plants with enough blooms to bring inside (despite my neglect!); it makes me much more certain that my new life is getting established. ;-)
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Saturday, 24 August 2019 10:50)
Cathy@Words and Herbs - Thanks so much for your kind words. :) Leaving my garden was difficult, but it means everything that we were able to save our animals. They are much happier now!
We are still searching for a way to set up our kiln for firing here at the new place, so my work-in-progress vases can't be finished until that gets sorted. However, I do have some stoneware vases that would be available if you're interested. Please email me via the contact page here on the website or simply send to amy @ smallsunnygardendotcom for further info. :)
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Saturday, 24 August 2019 10:54)
Kris - "It's never too late" is a powerful statement, and one I have to remind myself of, as the amount of time and effort which it took to escape has left me feeling very drained. The garden, thankfully, is healing and a wonderful way to reset one's sense of time and values. Thank you so much for your encouragement! :)
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Saturday, 24 August 2019 11:03)
Libby - Many, many thanks! I have been torn between the desire to stay connected and the sheer exhaustion from everything we've had to deal with. It means so much to find that our friends are still right there for us even after several months' absence...
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Saturday, 24 August 2019 11:19)
Jane - Thank you kindly! It has meant so much to have the support here on the blog. I have been so looking forward to returning to regular gardening and blogging - regular anything, in fact!
Diana Studer (Friday, 30 August 2019 16:43)
There is deep healing in quietly and patiently growing a new garden. I'm on a digital detox in September and will catch up later. Going to read your three part story now.
Amy@SmallSunnyGarden (Tuesday, 03 September 2019 09:54)
Diana - Yes, gardens are the best place for healing. :-)